We are working up an FAQ section for you.

We are working up a FAQ page(Frequently Asked Questions…I will try to be as jargon-free as possible as I know that many of you are not all that savvy around computers. Neither am I) whether to inform you or to amuse me I’m not quite sure. Don’t hesitate to write in and call me a dolt. Just don’t expect to be the first to say it.
In fact, now that I think of it, if you have any ideas for what should go here, or have any questions you would like answered, please let it fly.

Ques. “Marty, some of your pipes are hellacious expensive, but I would like to buy one anyway, as long as you don’t tell my wife. Is layaway possible with an avaricious bastard such as yourself?

Ans. Yes, layaway is possible, so let me tell you how it’s done: First of all, a deposit is required. This is not so much a way to get your money as it is to keep you reminded that you have created an obligation. Indeed, l have never failed to return a deposit on those occasions that a would-be buyer was not able to complete the purchase. However, many people do take their deposit on a layaway to be license to linger and malinger. Don’t be one of those. We will discuss a time frame (more than two months is too long) at the time of the layaway.

Question: Marty, what about returning a pipe we decide, upon review, we don’t like enough to want to keep?

Answer: That’s an easy one. Within a reasonable amount of time (less than two weeks, please) pack it up unsmoked by you (even if it’s a used/reconditioned pipe…I don’t like having to clean them up again) and return it. You’ll receive your money back, or full credit, whichever works best for you. We do not return your money with a smile, or with “no questions asked.” Only people with a mental deficiency or liars would even say something like that. We are constantly striving to avoid both of those conditions. We will refund your money as graciously as possible and we might well ask questions, so as to avoid similar miscues with you in the future.

Question: This should be the first question, but I don’t yet know how to manipulate this page: What methods of payment do you accept, Marty? I have two young sons who are worthless to me and might well be employed by you to clean pipes, etc. Do you accept this kind of trade-in?

Answer: No, but thanks for the enquiry. Care, maintenance and feeding would preclude me making out well enough to accept chattel as a trade-in. I accept PayPal payments. Our PayPal account name is the same as our email address: Priorbriar@gmail.com. All payments and any donations can be put through that way. Also, if you do not have a PayPal account, I can send you a PayPal invoice, which at your end acts like a credit card and from everything I have heard from customers, is very easy to us. I also have capability of taking almost any credit card. We can arrange credit card payments either over the phone, or you can send the info over two separate e-mails, which provides at least a good measure of security for your C.C. info. From old, trusted customers, a check is also welcome. Or, come to think of it, from new trusted customers, as well.

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